The concept of trauma is not a comfortable topic for most people.
People often compare other people’s traumatic experiences to their own. They grade their traumatic experiences based on other’s experiences.
This may sound harmless, but in doing so, they never truly pay their experiences the attention it deserves.
Let me explain.
Very simply, trauma can be described as a deeply disturbing experience, resulting in pain. Be it physical or emotional, there will always be pain.
Compare our own experiences with that of others is surprisingly common, and yet many of us don’t realize we’re doing it.
When we compare our experiences to that of others, we either end up feeling sorry for ourselves, by thinking that our experiences are incomparable to that of others (which, in essence, is true) or we minimize our own experiences.
People often compare their own experiences with that of others. When we do this, we either end up feeling sorry for ourselves, by thinking that our experiences are incomparable to that of others or we minimize our own experiences. In essence, it’s true that our experiences cannot compare with that of others.
I discovered a way to take away the pain after being dealt my fair share of trials and tough times.
It’s a secret to dealing with these problems though, a secret that did more harm than good.
Whenever feelings of sadness hit, thinking of someone else’s pain – someone that may seemingly have experienced a much deeper pain helped greatly.
I use this little trick to remind myself of the ‘gratitude’ I aim to one day achieve. The main reason I do this is because I then realize that my problems aren’t actually that bad.
Is this a sign of gratitude? Not quite.
Using the pain of other’s as a deflection for me having to deal with my own pain. Yeah, that sounds more accurate.
Trauma = Pain. Pain will be felt. Always.
We may try running from our pain and we may even escape it for a while, but eventually, it will be felt.
Trauma in comparison
One person may have been sexually assaulted by a group of thugs.
Another person may have been mugged for their cell phone.
Comparing the traumatic experience of the one mugged with the one that was sexually assaulted would not be fair. Both experiences are traumatic for that person.
Traumatic events cannot be compared. What may be traumatic for me, may not be traumatic for t.
We cannot run from our past, finding many ways to hide from it. Eventually (and it always does) our dark past will come back to haunt us.
Many people, including myself, allow their traumatic experiences define who they are. I am one of these people. By holding onto their traumatic experiences, they allow it to define their behaviors and defense mechanisms.
Holding onto traumatic often results in lying, hiding, struggling to trust people, difficulty asking for help and all other fear based actions. This fear reveals itself in many ways, be it aggressive, vengeful, pitiful etc.
Trauma manifests itself in various ways. It differs from person to person, but what is constant is that un-dealt with trauma almost always results in negative character defects.
Eventually, character defects become our norm.
As a result, these character defects become our defense mechanisms. It makes sense that the sooner we deal with our trauma, the sooner we begin to heal and experience that feeling of overall self content.
Please leave your comments on trauma in the comments section below.
What was the traumatic experience you were faced with and how did you overcome it?
Did you also become a victim of the trauma comparison cycle?
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