There’s something about this guy though; she thinks to herself.
“You know you can trust me right?” She begs of him. Her eyes, ever so intrigued.
“Please don’t take it personal, but I don’t actually trust anybody. I can tell you this much though, there’s a very good reason why I don’t trust most people”
“I understand, one day you will finally trust me, I can tell you that much”
He grins uncomfortably.
I have had issues with trusting people for a large part of my life. Growing up, I was very secretive about a lot of things.
Secrets keep you sick. Mine kept me safe.
I carried this train of thought throughout my childhood and into my teens and adulthood. Carrying secrets built up from so many years can become tiring on one person. I had to let go of these secrets. Letting go of all these secrets would be a very freeing experience.
That was the problem. It was freeing.
What I did not quite realize that I was doing at the time, I was manipulating people into staying into my life with my “trust issues.”
Let me explain.
I became this vortex of mystery. A puzzle that was so enticing to others. A puzzle that had to be solved.
With the people that were closest to me, I would always be apart of the group, but I came with a certain air of mystery. What I would do is let people in slowly, bit by bit. I would give them a piece of the puzzle, but never enough pieces to fully solve the puzzle.
The other person held onto that thought and fully believed that once they truly have earned my trust, I will eventually reveal the full puzzle to them. This never happened though.
Then I realized what I was doing.
I never fully let anyone in because in doing so I manipulatively kept that person in my life and “interested.”
Admittedly, it came as a shocking revelation and reflects to what extents I would go to try and keep people in my life. After then speaking about it, I also found that I am not the only person who has done this, again without fully even realizing this themselves.
Others used their ‘trust issues’ to try and keep people at a bay. This way, they get to have relationships with other people, but if and when the relationship turns sour, they may feel “less hurt” because they did not build a intimate relationship with this person.
- Do you have a really difficult time trusting anyone?
- Have you perhaps ‘milked’ your trust issues to either keep people at bay or to manipulate them into ‘remaining interested?